My job

Published on Thursday, November 13, 2008 at 8pm

"Michael": katie
"Michael": it is boring
katikatikatie: michael
katikatikatie: what is boring?
"Michael": it
katikatikatie: oh.
"Michael": everything
katikatikatie: oh.
katikatikatie: well hey.
katikatikatie: um.
katikatikatie: i don't know, i've been writing papers all day for like three days, i'm sort of braindead
katikatikatie: i can tell you a morbid work story
"Michael": please do
katikatikatie: okay so, i work at this vet's office
katikatikatie: and she's a really good vet, and her name is actually dr. doolittle.
"Michael": :D
katikatikatie: but in the last couple of weeks, just by coincidence, we've had to put down, like, over a dozen dogs and cats
"Michael": D:
katikatikatie: yeah. like one time last week (this isn't the story I'm about to tell, it's a bonus, pre-story)
"Michael": yes, bonus materials
"Michael": you're like a dvd
katikatikatie: i walked in, and cathy (the nurse) had this dog up on a table with its stomach open
katikatikatie: and like, i don't know anything about anesthesia, so i just assumed she was doing some kind of surgery on it or something
katikatikatie: and i'm walking around, thinking, "man, that dog looks like frigging roadkill, look at its face all snarled open and its hair all matted."
katikatikatie: and then like, an hour later, i'm like, "hey cathy, where's that dog from earlier?"
katikatikatie: and she's like, "um, it's in the trash."
katikatikatie: so i looked at her for a second before i went, you know, OH.
katikatikatie: OH I SEE.
"Michael": ):
katikatikatie: but it turns out it had some kind of liver failure, and she was trying to see what had gone wrong with its liver.
katikatikatie: and then, like, directly after that (more bonus material)
katikatikatie: this woman was coming in to have her cat put to sleep
katikatikatie: and we had been seeing this cat almost every day for like, two weeks.
katikatikatie: it was TWENTY ONE YEARS OLD, this cat
katikatikatie: and covered in tumors.
katikatikatie: i mean it.
katikatikatie: covered.
katikatikatie: it rippled with tumors.
katikatikatie: and we were having to force feed it, and all this business
katikatikatie: so she brings it in, all wrapped in this big red blanket
katikatikatie: and doolittle and cathy go into the exam room to put this cat to sleep
katikatikatie: (the drug they use is called Euthanol, or something like that)
katikatikatie: and then Cathy brings the cat back to the back, where it will wait for Max the Cremator
"Michael": this is a terrible job, ktie
katikatikatie: and then the cat's mom comes bursting into the clinic with the big red blanket, all like, "He has to be wrapped in this, bawhawhaw"
katikatikatie: which was really sad
katikatikatie: (there are lots of parts that are as good as these parts are bad, i.e. doolittle's chihuahua, Kiki, has a tiny little Harley Davidson shirt to keep her warm)
katikatikatie: but okay, the story i was going to tell, and some thoughts
katikatikatie: yesterday
katikatikatie: literally the first thing i had to do, as soon as i clocked in and put down my purse
katikatikatie: was go and help cathy stuff this giant, freshly euthanized labrador into a big black trash bag
katikatikatie: and then hoist it onto the little doggy stretcher
katikatikatie: and then haul it off to the back, in the grooming room, where it would wait for Max the Cremator
katikatikatie: and the grooming room is also where i keep my purse and stuff
katikatikatie: so like, every time i would go to check my phone, there was this big lumpy bag of dog, with all the outlines of his legs in the wrong places and so on
katikatikatie: which was sort of weird
katikatikatie: but also
katikatikatie: i was thinking about Max the Cremator
katikatikatie: because like, there are three different options you get once your animal dies
"Michael": were you having fantasies about him
katikatikatie: (yes i was guys who do cremations totally get me off) you can either just have it thrown away (or, i assume, take it home to bury it yourself), or you can do a "simple cremation," which means they just cremate the animal and that's it, or you can do a Cremation Cremation (I don't remember the phrase they used), where they put the ashes in a little urn for you, with the animal's name, and maybe a couple of lines of inscription
"Michael": huh.
katikatikatie: and so there's a little form that got taped to the bag of dog
katikatikatie: that has the letterhead for Max's company, and all the options, and stuff to fill in, and someone has to sign to certify that the dog hasn't bitten anyone in the last ten days (I'm assuming it's a rabies thing)
katikatikatie: but the address for the cremation place is in Dallas.
katikatikatie: this is not a local cremator.
katikatikatie: which MUST mean
katikatikatie: that Max has a big van
katikatikatie: that he drives around to all the vet's offices
katikatikatie: collecting trash bags full of dead pets
"Michael": that is a terrifying thought
katikatikatie: and putting them in his van
katikatikatie: and then driving, alone, with all these dead animals
katikatikatie: to dallas
katikatikatie: where he burns them to dust.
katikatikatie: so the whole day i just have this picture of just this burly kind of guy driving around in his van, and everytime he hits a bump in the road there's this big, muted, rustling thump
katikatikatie: of all the animals dead and jostling in the back.
katikatikatie: it was kind of a weird afternoon
"Michael": wow
katikatikatie: yep