Prepare to be Visually Stunned

Published on Sunday, April 15, 2007 at 2pm

I'm about to swear alot because of the pile of bad crap that's been accumulating over the past seven months or so.

The first even of shittiness started with the woman who I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with running off with some other guy. We spent two and a half years together, two of which I know we were both happy together. I don't it to be a coincidence that her feelings started to slip around the same time I started up in comedy. She left back in October of '06. It wasn't a smooth transition. I was at work while her and her dad were packing up her shit from our apartment and moving it back to her parents' house or into storage. She stopped by my work as I was getting off, with her car still packed full of her shit, to tell me she didn't want to be with me anymore. Shattered my whole fucking world. This was on a Friday night, too, so my weekend was fucked as well. I couldn't eat or sleep for the next two or three days. She and I hung out the next night and talked about what was going on, I had written her a letter, she read it, cried a bit, we watched a movie and we seemed to be moving into the friendship status. We hung out a little Sunday, had a picnic, and talked s'more. We seemed to be okay. Then she got serious with the new boyfriend. Apparently, he's a psychotically jealous jackhole who can't stand her being in touch with me. So then everytime I got in touch with her (and, due to my inability to INSTANTLY detach myself from someone I've been in love with for two and a half years), I was getting in touch with her often. He was giving her shit about it, she was getting pissed about it, and instead of dealing with the source of the problem, she bitches at me and tells me to not contact her. Ever since then, we've been on rocky ground. I continued to try to be friends with her and she continued to be a bitch. I'm sorry, but I don't give up on people. It's not in my nature, especially when I know there's some good in the person. I sent her a final message not too long ago saying that I'll always be a friend if she ever needs one, whether its 2 minutes from now or 20 years from now. I put the ball in her court and I haven't talked to her since.

Ah, yes, now we move onto the next dilemma. I lose my job. Why? Because I'm so emotionally fucked-up that I can't focus to get my work done the right way. Now, I'm not only jobless but my share of bills has effectively doubled because I no longer have anyone living with me that pays part of the bills. I'm scrambling for work, signing up at every temp agency I can find and puttin' in applications everywhere. I know I have to find something that gives alot of hours and pays really well or I'm screwed.

One of the temp agencies comes through for a couple weeks with a job that pays $10.50 an hours and its a 40-hour-a-week job. It was a data entry job. Easy for me. Loved it. One problem: After those two weeks, the damn temp agency didn't have anymore work for me. I'm screwed again. During this time, my step-dad gets very sick and is hospitalized. They put him on a bunch of treatments and medicine and, while he was eventually allowed to go home, he had to go back up to the hospital occasionally for treatments.

In the meantime, things start to look up for me, personally. I get a good job that pays well and everyone there is real nice. I still have this job. I'm working at the courthouse basically as a file clerk (though, my official title is Deputy Clerk). Yup, things are startin' to turn around. Or not...

My step-dad's condition gets worse. He hospitalized yet again and this time, they won't let him go home so soon. They put him on machines and drugs and whatever they can to help him get better. The doctors say there's nothing they can do for him and the best thing to do right now is to make him comfortable. Great. He gets moved to a place where people are basically sent when they're in that condition. This place happens to be right in front of the apartment complex that I'm living in. I go there to visit him, help my mom through it, and all that. I stop by a bit the next day to do the same. On the third day he's there, I get a phone call from my sister saying that "it happened". Ah, shit. It just hit the fan. I haul ass to the place. My mom's actually handling better than I thought. I only lost the love of my life to another person. She just lost the love of her life, period. I don't know how she got through it.

Moving on. I finally got a vehicle. I had been without one for a couple of years. How'd I get a vehicle? My mom and step-dad had two. She only needs one. Yeah. It sucked like hell getting a vehicle because of that situation. I still feel like shit about it because I think about it everytime I even think about driving somewhere.

But, still, things are looking better for me, personally. Shit is happenin' with my family and it affects me, of course, but my personal shit is coming together.

Oh, wait, now my uncle is sick! Yeah, he was diagnosed with possible cancer. Great. (That's sarcasm, in case you're not familiar with it.) This wasn't just a random uncle that I never talk to. This guy was apart of my upbringing. He was a comedic inspiration for me. He was always finding a way to goof off in any situation. He was willing to embarrass himself to get a laugh. I always had a great time hanging out with him. Well, they said they could do a little surgery and put him on chemotherapy and that would help him get better. Great! We've got a solution to the problem. Awesome!

Well, not ten minutes ago, I got a phone call from my mom saying that they're taking him off all the machines and drugs because there's nothing they can do for him. They just have to let him go. Fuckin' fantastic (Look, more sarcasm).

I'm gettin' fuckin' tired of this god-damned bullshit. There is no fuckin' reason for this much misery in anyone's life in such a short amount of time. No, I'm talking about me. I'm talking about my family. I had a relationship-breakup. Boo-fuckin'-hoo. I'm over it. My mom has had to deal with the death of the man she loves and now she's going to deal with the deal of her brother. What the fuckin' hell is goin' on?! My Nana is going to have to deal with the deal of her son. It's been said before and I'll say it again: No parent should have to bury their children! That's horse shit. My four little cousins and their mom have to deal with losing a father and a husband. I'm so tired of this shit.

Now, I know what's coming and I appreciate it. Put my family in your prayers, if you like. Give my family your best wishes and good luck. Do what you feel like you can do to help... But if I hear one single "God has a plan" statement, I'm going to rip that person a new asshole. Any plan that involves this much destruction is not the plan of some benevolent creator. It can only be the plan of a diabolic destroyer.

Personally, I'm just going to continue to have faith in people. I know with all my being that it's people who keep us afloat when shit goes wrong. When my ex-girfriend left, I was shattered. Who was there to help pick up the pieces, put me back together, and help me move on? My family and my friends. People. They were there almost instantaneously. Who's been there for my mom after the passing of her husband? Family and friends. People. People who care and want to see her live her life. People who don't want to see her fall in a whirlpool of despair. And who is going to be there when my uncle passes? That's right: People. Family and friends. They're going to be there because people care. Because people make a difference.